mental illness – Lee S. Hawke http://leeshawke.com Reader. Writer. Firelighter. Mon, 09 May 2016 11:31:59 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Letters to Myself, Part II http://leeshawke.com/letters-to-myself-part-ii/ http://leeshawke.com/letters-to-myself-part-ii/#respond Mon, 09 May 2016 11:31:59 +0000 http://leeshawke.com/?p=478 Writing Letters

I have a history of mental illness in my family. I consider myself fortunate that it only gave me depression when I was thirteen (the year of dealing with compulsory shit, apparently). However, it’s left a permanent squatter inside my head. A voice that I’m sure many of you are (sadly) familiar with.

One day while I was staring at a blank page and the voice in my head seemed incredibly loud, I found myself writing. Anything to drown it out. Anything.

This series has helped me a little. So I thought I might share it.

Just in case it helps you too.

Letters to Myself, Part II

Just before we start, I thought I’d share a funny trick on how to time travel. Write to yourself, and then read the letter over six months later and be immediately transported back to a moment in time you had completely forgotten. Wow. It’s like watching myself from the other side of a mirror.

Goddamn, I can be such an idiot.

[Spoiler alert] I completed the half marathon. And so can you, whatever your goal is.

22 September 2015

Dear Lee,

Just put one foot in front of the other.

Step. By. Goddamn. Step.

I don’t know why you’ve suddenly decided it’s a good idea to train for a half-marathon with only three weeks to go. In fact, it’s downright irresponsible and stupid and it would be extremely embarrassing to rock up at work having injured yourself again because you decided that getting up at ass o’clock in the morning and groaning your way over 21.1k was a good idea. Like the last time. You know – only a few months ago?

Anyway.

Since you’re going for it, please try to stick with it. Remember when you wake up that this is what you chose to do to yourself. Own the pain: don’t run away from it, because at the end of the day you can’t bloody run away from yourself. And use that stubbornness to hack away at the rest of your life. One word. After another. One story. After another.

Step. By. Goddamn. Step.

Yours,

Lee.

]]> http://leeshawke.com/letters-to-myself-part-ii/feed/ 0 Letters to Myself, Part I http://leeshawke.com/letters-to-myself-part-i/ http://leeshawke.com/letters-to-myself-part-i/#respond Sun, 06 Dec 2015 05:41:07 +0000 http://leeshawke.com/?p=222 Read More]]> Writing Letters

I have a history of mental illness in my family. I consider myself fortunate that it only gave me depression when I was thirteen (the year of dealing with compulsory shit, apparently). However, it’s left a permanent squatter inside my head. A voice that I’m sure many of you are (sadly) familiar with.

One day while I was staring at a blank page and the voice in my head seemed incredibly loud, I found myself writing. Anything to drown it out. Anything.

This series has helped me a little. So I thought I might share it.

Just in case.

11 August 2015

Dear Lee,

You are not going crazy.

This is life right now. It’s working until 2am in the morning and then feeling empty for a week. It’s coming home and eating dinner and going to sleep and waking up to do it all over again. It’s trying really hard to spend time with family and friends and love, and then peering back at the seconds bleary-eyed, wondering where they went.

You’re tired.

You’re tired, Lee. Tired of making goals and tired of achieving them and then watching them recede into the distance. Time goes too fast. You were never going to catch up.

And it’s okay.

It’s okay to stop running, for a bit.

You’ve got what you wanted. A shot at the job of your dreams. You’ve done your best. That’s all you can do. Now’s the time to curl up and consolidate. To remember what beauty tastes like. To imagine again. To wonder. To write worlds into being.

So read, damn it. Read. Not just old, familiar, comforting things (although these are good for you too, like hot soup). Read something new. Remember what it’s like to discover a story for the first time, that moment it sinks its jaws in and pulls you along for the ride.

Yes. Read. Imagine. Dream. And slowly come back to life.

Love,

Lee.

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